Keep trying.
That's what we are doing over here; continuing on.
Every day I wake up and do what in my heart I know is the single most important thing I can do; I am a mother. I don't 'contribute in the workforce' and I don't do anything noteworthy by the world's terms. What I do matters quite a lot to the 7 people who depend on me and I'm happy I get to do it.
I've given up a lot of things to be the mother of seven children. My body, for one. It's been on my mind a lot lately as I've wondered how obsessed I should become with getting "thin" again. I've started to wonder if maybe this part, the part where I give even my body, is part of the plan in the first place. How can we rightly say we have sacrificed all if we get to keep all of those "pre-parent" parts of ourselves? Is this my excuse for not fitting into my clothing? Perhaps. Yet I keep having this thought tugging at the back of my mind, after all, when you look at a photo of my family SHOULDN'T I be the one who LOOKS like the mother? The one who looks like she's had some sleepless nights, some worrisome years, some long pregnancies and other struggles.
I think so. I think I owe to my children; and especially my daughters to let them know that when you choose to love something so fiercely; when you choose family at the same time there are things you are NOT choosing. I'm not choosing to spend hours each day at the gym and I'm not choosing to harbor an eating disorder in order to get skinny. I've done that before and I'm not proud of it. I don't want that for my daughters. Somewhere in between here I'm hoping for some middle ground, some way to eat healthy, exercise a reasonable amount of time each week, still enjoy treats here and there, and leave the remainder of my time and energy for what I love most: my faith and my family.
When I see other women I know and love who are mothers who have this daily struggle as well I hope they know that I see them. I see their souls, I see the beautiful women that they are and I see the brave things they do each day. I see the love they give and the encouragement they give and the joy they bring to their families as well. I secretly hope that they see me that way too; and are able to overlook the fact that I'm wearing the same thing to church; again; because it is the only thing that fits. I refuse to believe that is all they see of me. Because we are so much more.
Sailing On,
E
This is a beautiful post. You are, and always have been, so beautiful to me. Inside and out. I ponder on these same things and work on being ok with how my physical self has changed and is changing. Would I want to let go of all the wisdom, learning and experience of life to have my 20 year old body back? Not a bit. But it is still hard. I think for most woman their body goes a bit more with each pregnancy or child. For me it was all at one time, or at least seemed like it. My kids =d a new body. At one point I contemplated saving money for a tummy tuck until I realized I would be risking my life, however small. How stupid. I love you. I miss you. I see so much of who and what I want to become in you. Thank you for always being a source of knowledge, light and upliftment to me. And btw Maddie's response in the store was so amazing. Just like her mom!
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautiful post. You are, and always have been, so beautiful to me. Inside and out. I ponder on these same things and work on being ok with how my physical self has changed and is changing. Would I want to let go of all the wisdom, learning and experience of life to have my 20 year old body back? Not a bit. But it is still hard. I think for most woman their body goes a bit more with each pregnancy or child. For me it was all at one time, or at least seemed like it. My kids =d a new body. At one point I contemplated saving money for a tummy tuck until I realized I would be risking my life, however small. How stupid. I love you. I miss you. I see so much of who and what I want to become in you. Thank you for always being a source of knowledge, light and upliftment to me. And btw Maddie's response in the store was so amazing. Just like her mom!
ReplyDelete